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10 Sentences About L.A.

I grew up in L.A., La-La Land. It's a big place, full of big buildings, big freeways and big-time plastic surgery. Depending on the day, I love it and I hate it. Given that so many hopefuls and tourists flock to the city every year, I've compiled a quick list of 10 helpful hints everyone should know before stepping foot in the City of Angels. Welcome, and if you see Batman on Hollywood Boulevard, tell him I said hi.

  • Don't expect to see a celebrity on every corner. They hang out in their own habitats which usually involve high hedges and burly security guards. But the most needy go to The Ivy. So you could go there.

  • If you want to pretend you're not a tourist, go to a coffee house, sit down with your computer and pretend you're working on your script. Get on your phone and throw around words like "optioned" and "residuals."

  • Rock the man-bun at Intelligentsia in the Sunset Junction. You'll be fine. Even if you're a woman.

  • Graffiti? Urban blight? In L.A. it's considered "wall art" and people take pictures in front of it. Feel free to join in.

  • Just know there are no frogs in Frogtown.

  • That mini mall may look sketch. But don't worry about it. No one's been shot there during the day.

  • If you go to the beach, don't leave the Cheetos out on the sand in plain view. Seagull is thinking, "Oooo, a snack!"

  • The business with the green cross and doctors on site? It's not urgent care.

  • Come prepared for all types of weather between the temps of 70 and 75.

  • Don't try to re-create the scene in "Pretty Woman" where she's shopping on Rodeo Drive and tells off the snooty saleswoman unless you can back it up.

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